Secrets Within
by ayziks
Summary: After nearly two decades of marriage, Katara is avoiding Aang, and apparently keeping secrets from him, and he is surprised by her behavior and struggles what to do.


**Title:** "Secrets Within"

**Author:** ayziks

**Word count:** 2203

**Rating:** T – Kataangst, reconciliation

**Summary:** After nearly two decades of marriage, Katara is avoiding Aang, and apparently keeping secrets from him, and he is surprised by her behavior and struggles what to do.

...

Katara had been acting weird for days. To Aang, she seemed aloof and detached. She continued to be the great mother that she always was around Kya and Bumi, always taking care of their needs.

But around Aang, she seemed… distant…. quiet… disengaged. To Aang it was like that dreadful time of uncertainty in their relationship between his kiss with Katara on the sub and the kiss at the Jasmine Dragon. For the first time in years, Aang didn't know where he stood with Katara. They hadn't really spent any part of a day together for weeks. She avoided their walks in the garden and their joint meditation times together. She sloughed it all off by saying she was 'too busy' tending to their children or 'important Air Acolyte business'. It all seemed plausible, but he knew it wasn't the underlying reason for her avoidance.

To be honest, he felt lonely with his lack of contact and communication with his beloved, not knowing why she was being so standoffish. And overactive imagination fueled his concerns.

He tried to blame it all on her being exhausted. They had two very headstrong children who always had their own opinions about things, and always tried having their own way. Neither would give up without a lecture, or a fight, or a punishment. Additionally, Kya was getting to that 'difficult' age as a pre-teen where mother and daughter constantly struggled against each other as Kya established her independence. It was not lost on either parent – or Kya - that Aang was already on his own at age 12, and Katara only two years older.

It didn't help that both kids seemed to have inherited a double dose of Katara's natural stubbornness and single-mindedness about things. That could be a blessing or a curse, depending on which end of an argument one found one's self with her. He snickered; sometimes he could be on two wrong ends of an argument with her simultaneously. He loved her all the same, as that strong will of hers kept the entire family out of a lot of trouble that Aang might have just 'gone along with' to keep the peace or avoid a hard decision. That was still a lingering trait within him at times, and despite overcoming it with the years, sometimes that tendency flared at just the wrong moment, and the love of his life was always there to help and remind him.

In point of fact, right now she wasn't there for anything for him, and he found himself really lost.

But after awhile, Katara's disengaged behavior seemed like she was hiding something – or someone – from her. It was never like her to keep secrets since they made the commitment to each other so long ago.

Then he began to fret. Maybe he was doing something wrong, or had done something offensive that was boiling inside her, stoked by her well-known temper that sometimes spilled over at him. He chuckled that Katara's temper peaked usually when he was being stupid or thoughtless, or was all wrapped up in his Avatar business, even when he so carefully tried to balance his duties at that role, his role as husband, and role as father. She was ordinarily very clear about pointing out things she disagreed with him about.

Despite his strong commitment to family life and marriage, it was times like this when he had fleeting second thoughts about having abandoned his nomadic tradition with its lack of anything but casual attachment to anything in this world while seeking spiritual enlightenment. He smirked, and shook his head, returning to the reality he loved – his woman, his children, and his duties as Avatar.

They were even effectively sleeping alone, with him going to sleep well before her every night. It had been awhile since they had any kind of relations, which they always enjoyed. That worried him a lot.

Aang actually considered that after nearly two decades of being together, and having two kids, that she was tired of being with him, constantly being forced to share the world with him. He shuddered with the thought that perhaps there was 'another man' who gave her more than Aang could give.

Katara's unspoken secret couldn't go on much longer, but Aang struggled with how to broach the subject with her. Fortunately, he got help.

Kya, ever the observant one, asked her father privately one night, "Daddy, are you and Mom OK?"

"Uh, yes, Kya," Aang answered his daughter with no conviction.

Kya got a little upset with his response, and challenged him, "I don't think so Daddy. You seem different toward each other. You don't laugh or tease or talk. You don't pray or play together like usual."

"That's true, Kya. You've noticed."

"It's hard not to notice, Daddy. Others are noticing too. I hear the Acolyte leaders whispering about you when they don't think I'm around."

"Oh, dear," Aang said with a shock.

"Please talk to her. I'll take care of Bumi. I love you both. I don't want anything to bad to happen to you."

"OK, Squirt," he grinned as he ruffled her long, wavy brown hair, which was the perfect twin of her mother's at that age. Her skin tone was a little lighter than his beloved's though, a wonderful blend of the bi-racial couple.

'Squirt' was his pet name for his oldest water bending child. It totally described her, especially with Aang often being on the receiving end of her considerable talent for that art. He waited a couple of days for the right time to confront Katara. Finally, Aang had enough of Katara's indifference toward him, after another nearly silent dinner except for conversations with the kids. Kya took the cue from her father to clean up dinner and took Bumi off to play.

With the table empty, Aang stated emphatically, "Katara, we need to talk."

"Aang, I'm busy. I have to clean up from dinner," Katara used as an excuse to avoid him.

"Please stay. Kya is taking care of cleaning up after dinner and caring for Bumi. We need to go for a walk," he pleaded.

Katara squirmed at the request, "Aang, no. I really can't."

"I insist, Katara," Aang said with authority.

She sighed unhappily, but went alongside him with her arms crossed, resisting his attempts to hold her hand. Finally he just took her hand firmly and held it a little less than softly. They stopped at the garden by the stupa replica where they had so often had private conversation and meditation.

"Katara, I can't help but notice something is different," Aang said carefully.

She said curtly and glared, "How is that so, Aang?"

"Well just now. You never resisted my affection," Aang noted.

Katara said shakily, "Aang, I don't deserve your affection."

That shocked him. Everything he had imagined bad happening between Katara and him was all about him doing something wrong to her. Not this.

"What makes you say that? I love you," he said tenderly.

Tears started as she said, "Oh Aang, I don't know how you can. I'm just messing everything up."

"You are not. You are everything I ever wanted. Best friend, lover, wife, mother of my children."

"That's just it," she stated flatly.

"That's just what?" asked a perplexed Aang

"I am the mother of your children," she whimpered.

"How much more loving and devoted can you be to be such beautiful children?"

"They are not air benders," she choked out the words.

"You know that doesn't matter to me, Katara."

"It matters a lot to the world," she said with a catch in her voice.

Katara let him take both her hands in his as he assured her, "I don't care what the world thinks about the bending or non-bending abilities of our children. You know that. We've chatted about that before."

Katara looked away, "But I hear them talk. It's never been like this before. They pressure us so much. they pressure me so much to have an air bender for you and for the good of the world. And besides, it's different now."

"What's different now?" Aang inquired, even more confused at was driving her crisis of consciousness.

"I'm pregnant, Aang," she sobbed.

His face lit up like a beacon with his trademark ear to ear grin. He picked her up, and held her high up, suspending her carefully with an air vortex, laughing with happiness.

She tried to smile at his reaction, wanting to feel the same, but she burst into tears.

Aang continued his delight at her news about her third pregnancy, but dried her tears as he soothed her, "Is this what this is all about? Is this your secret you've stayed so far away from me about?"

She shook her head affiirmatively, but continued crying despite his comfort, and held his hands tightly as everything that was held inside her for weeks came spilling out, "Yes Aang. I didn't know how to tell you. I am so frightened that I will disappoint you by not giving you an air bender child. I am frightened what the whole world will think if I have not conceived an air bender."

Aang was speechless hearing this and feeling her hands tremble with pent-up fears.

She took a deep breath and continued, "I am even more frightened how the world will react if our child is an air bender. He'll be under constant scrutiny, and I am worried about new dangers our family will face by those who are still want to rid the world of air benders and those who love them. I couldn't bear to lose you or child who has your gift. We've always been a little worried, but never like this Aang. This is our third child. I have to get it right this time for you. I don't want to be the cause of you really, truly being the last air bender by not being a fit mother. No matter what we think or say, part of our marriage was about that. I don't want to be a failure. Not this time. I'm not sure that I can have a fourth."

Aang held her softly, and reassured her, feeling her calm just a little, "Having air bender children was never the reason I married you, Katara. Never the reason we fell in love."

"But the sages…." She cried.

Aang interrupted her and was more vehement by saying, "To blazes with the sages, and the shamans, and the newspaper reporters, and the White Lotus, and the Council, and the Acolytes, and all the others who would force you to create what they want for the world and criticize you for not living up to their demands. I love you for what you are, and our family for what it is, not because you are have to be a breeder for air benders. Our love was never ever about that. Our love has always been about you and me and our deep friendship for life and whatever kind of family the spirits would bless us with."

"Are you sure Aang?" Katara asked weakly, looking for deeply into his gray eyes for his assurance to restore her broken confidence.

His eyes met hers as he promised, "I am as sure of that as the day I proposed and you said yes. Despite all the hardships and pressure the world would put on us in every aspect of our lives."

"Besides third time's a charm," he kidded.

She dared to smile, and laughed a little with him.

"The spirits have a plan for me and you, and have always had one, so we have to be patient - and so does the world. That's what I believe," Aang stated with confidence.

She smiled and kissed him tenderly, "I love you, Aang. You always cheer me up when all seems lost."

He ran his fingers through her long brown hair, and admired the gray-white strands forming, as he spoke with confidence, "And you do the same for me. One of us is always there for the other, when the one of us is 'down'. All the way back to our first days of 'just friends'."

They kissed and hugged for very long time, silently. The hurt was repaired between them.

She looked up from their embrace, and admitted, "Aang I've been dying for a dish of strawberry-cranberry yogurt, honey, and seaweed for days. I couldn't ask you until now."

He bowed ceremoniously, and obeyed, "As you wish, Sifu Katara."

He rolled his eyes knowing all the crazy cravings would begin again.

They talked non-stop about the new baby, while strolling arm-in-arm all the way back, kissing frequently as they went. Kya watched anxiously for them from the vantage point of her second floor room in the Air Temple family residence. She saw her parents in their usual closeness and happiness together. She smiled in relief when she saw them kiss, but raised an eyebrow in surprise when her father caressed her mother's stomach lightly with his hand. She knew what that meant.

She turned to her little brother and told him, "Mommy and Daddy are home, Bumi. And everything is going to be OK. More than OK, in fact."

She hugged her little brother, even as he tried to squirm out of it to cause some more mischief, and rolled her eyes as she prayed for a baby sister.


End file.
